Friday, October 9, 2009

It's less then a week until Ed's IRR (Inactive Ready Reserve- he has to serve 2 years after his active commitment to the reserves is over- which started in October when he was over there) is officially over. Six days until I never have to worry about the words "Stop Loss" or spending another year alone with (now two) kids.

Yes, I'm counting down. I can't help it. I'm not entirely sure my psyche can handle going through all of that again.

Recently, I met a girl who's husband is currently over there for his second tour- and they have three kids. He's active duty but she stayed around here to be close to her family. When I mentioned how I couldn't do it again, she smirked and made a snide comment about how it's not really THAT hard. I had to stop myself from saying anything else, because I know how hard it is to be actively in that position. You can't even begin to admit to yourself how hard it really is alone, or else the cracks will start to grow and the fear of breaking completely apart is palpable. I don't envy her, as much as she may have looked down on me for admitting that deployments suck and I never wanted to do it again. I don't find it a lack of strength, but an honest realization of what a deployment totally encompasses- there's SO much no one told me about this journey. And I'm still learning more about it by the day.

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